Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thank you for the use of your porch, whoever you are

On the way home from the gym today Ollie got himself worked into a mess of big, sad, pouty lipped sobs. Singing wasn't helping, raspberries weren't helping, being carried wasn't helping, so I sat down on a stranger's porch and nursed him until he was calm in my arms. For the first few moment he would slurp at my breast haphazardly while his body shook and he whimpered slightly, but in no time he had closed his eyes, relaxed into my arms and was drinking rhythmically, totally comforted. And as he relaxed, I relaxed as well, so much so that the fact that I was sitting on the side of a major street with my top pulled up on the property of a total stranger completely dissolved from my mind.

Ollie is going to get his first taste of real food next week, and I'm so excited to watch him savor it.. but I'm also already feeling overwhelmed at how quickly he is growing and changing, and moving towards independence. For fifteen months I have been the only person who can really take care of him - feed him, comfort him, carry him, but that's starting to change. I know that of course, solids or no solids, he's still going to need his mama for a long long time, and that I'll be gaining freedom as he gains independence. But sitting on a random porch, comforting him as he nursed I thought that there was truly nothing else in the world that he or I could possibly need, and I thought, I have to remember this feeling, because it can't last forever.

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